Lost
by oh snap itz greed
Summary: Quinn lost her hearing. Rachel lost her voice. Together they are lost. Finchel, Fabrevans, and Faberry friendship oneshot


**Lost**

**Summary: Quinn lost her hearing. Rachel lost her voice. Together they are lost. Finchel, Fabrevans, and Faberry friendship oneshot**

_**For Laura, since that Huntina fic is not going anywhere at the moment. **_

_**COUPLES: Finchel and Fabrevans. **_

_**FRIENDSHIPS: Faberry**_

* * *

It's weird. Not hearing. It's like all the beauty in the world, the sound of birds chirping, or Beth crying or Rachel (as much as it pains her to admit) singing. All the beauty abandoned her. It stuck her in a room with this weird buzzing that may be a noise and may not. It's like a ghost. A ghost of sound. A ghost of all the memories of singing and dancing and talking. She can't do that anymore. Sing. Talk.

The force of a truck going thirteen miles per hour and one shard of glass that entered her ear in the most peculiar way. She should be thankful to God that she's alive. But is she, is she really? Because without her hearing, what hope does she have?

* * *

It's amusing. Not talking. It's like God said, _OK, lets try and ruin Rachel's life one more time!_ If it wasn't laryngitis it was the latest Finchel breakup, if it wasn't that is was slushies, and if it wasn't that it was cracks at her nose and chest and if it wasn't that... it was these weird feelings she's starting to feel towards herself. Her dreams are gone. Flickering out like candles on a menorah. A Broadway actress who can't speak? Who can't sing?

Unheard of.

The force of a truck going thirteen miles per hour and a shard of glass that punctured her throat in such a peculiar manner, that she survived, but lost her voice. Is she really alive? Because without her voice Rachel is another reject whose dreams are nothing but dirt. She's a Lima loser now. She can't help it.

* * *

She doesn't like therapy. Her therapist is a conniving bitch who managed to figure out that she is hopelessly in love with someone she absolutely hates. Of course the therapist doesn't know who. Her speech consultant is much nicer. She encourages her to sing a bit, to talk even if she can't hear herself. She told her that just because she's deaf, it doesn't mean she has to let go of it completely.

Quinn doesn't sing though. She says hi sometimes to her Mom or sister but never sings. She knows she sounds god awful whenever she speaks. She sounds like she's yelling through bad reception, she can see it every time her Mom jumps when she says it. She still isn't at school, and she doesn't want to be. She was never sure whether Fabson was back on, and she sure as hell knew it wasn't now.

She didn't want the sympathy, or the sorrys, or Mr. Schuester telling her that she can stay in the club because they're a family and all that shit. They're not. Even if she's in Glee, she won't be able to sing solos, or have parts, or participate. Nope, she'll lip sync and dance. She doesn't want to be reminded of what could have been. And she doesn't want to see Rachel Berry's face staring at her own. Or Sam's. Not Sam's.

* * *

She doesn't like these feelings she feels. These feelings of doubt and hatred. She used to never feel this way unless she was provoked. It's kind of weird the way she looks over and knives in Home Ec and wonders what they'll feel like running down her wrist. If she's going to feel pain, why not control it? Finn always said she was a tad bit... controlling.

Finn. She always sees him staring at her, from the corner of her eye, or from across the hall. Then she'll remember that the universe (the school) placed Quinn Fabray right next to her. She's Quinn's ears, she conveys the world to her. Well, that's what she's supposed to do. All she manages to do is hit Quinn over the head once or twice.

She's so uncertain. But then again, Quinn is deaf now. She can't hear anyone speak. To her, she was normal.

* * *

Rachel has to drag her around school now. It's weird. Rachel uses a notepad because she hasn't bothered to learn sign language to communicate. She's always slipping letters in her locker saying things like _La la la la la la la! _Or, _Sing! Sing it for the boys! Sing it for the __girls. _She's always trying to get her to sing. She doesn't, but Rachel pushes her.

They're walking home from school one day when Rachel strikes up the most normal conversation a deaf and mute. She writes on the pad, fast and furious, and peels off a gold star sticker from some of the many littering her clothes. _Quinn, do you miss him?_. Quinn grabs the pad, and the pencil, and scribbles down her reply.

_Who? _

_You know... _

_No, no I don't. _

_Finn. _

_Oh, him. No, I don't think I do. _

_Why not? _

_Getting back together with him was the biggest mistake of my life. I was being the flighty chick who wanted something she couldn't have. I didn't even realize I was a rebound. In fact, I'm not even sure whether we were even together! He made excuses all for the fact that he's still not over you and may never be. No, I think I miss something else. _

_Someone's feeling poetic? _

_Shut up. _

* * *

She uses a knife on a rainy day. She just lightly brushes it against her wrist. Funny enough, the pain doesn't seem to be enough, like it won't help her forget her dreams and aspirations. So she breaks into her Daddy's liquor cabinet. "Rach! Are you in my cabinet! Sing if you are, recite a verse from Funny Girl if you aren't." She doesn't reply, because can she? Her Daddy didn't mean to. He forgot.

She wants to be able to forget just as easy. So she grabs Vodka and Beer and closes the cabinet as quietly as possible. Then she runs up the stairs and stuffs the liquor in her closet just as her Daddy comes up the stairs. He peeps into her room, looking relieved that she didn't seem to hear. Shegrabs her pad and hopes that the bottles won't fall out of her open closet.

_Getting an outfit for school Daddy! _

He smiles and closes the door. She pushes her desk in front of the door and barricades herself in. She can't risk getting out. She uncorks the Vodka and brings it to her lips. It's all _too easy now._

* * *

A hard tap on her back brings her back to reality. Quinn looks up and is quite surprised to see him. The one she can't stop thinking about. Sam slips onto the bench opposite her. His lips start moving and it looks as though he has this heated speech. Idiot. "I'm deaf idiot." She sounds weird, too loud so that maybe she'll be able to hear herself. Or not.

He looks shocked, and surprised. Quinn sends him a sympathetic look, a look she's gotten to use less and less. She's grabs a pad (gift from Rachel) from her backpack. She grabs her green gel pen and scribbles.

_Write here. _

He grabs the pad and writes carefully his response.

_Look. I know we haven't talked since... You know, but you have to stop pretending. _

_Pretending what?! _

_Pretending that we still don't like each other?! _

_... _

_Is Fuinn on? _

_We call it Fabson now. _

_Not the point. We all know that if Fuinn was on, Samchel would so be rocking your world. Quinn, we all know it's Finchel and Fabrevans. Don't kid yourself. _

_I... I think it's best you go Sam. Wasting paper, and I still have another day to you know... Talk. _

_You know, ask your Mom to get you a tablet. You'll never run out of room. I would get you one but my brother was diagnosed with leukemia and I have medical bills to pay. _

And then he leaves.

* * *

"So, you're a drunk now." Rachel was kind of in the middle of finishing her Father's brand new bottle of Pinot Noir. It was risky, doing it out in an ally. But she figured everyone passing would think she's a hobo or a teen mom trying to kill her baby or a masochist or maybe might not even see her. She didn't expect Finn Hudson to say that and plunk down next to her.

She doesn't stop drinking.

"Drinking isn't going to make it go away."

She's almost done the bottle.

"It'll ruin your life."

Maybe she can see the bottom?

"It'll ruin any chances of Broadway."

That gets her.

She throws the bottle to the ground, and grabs her pad. She takes a pencil and scribbles furiously.

_Broadway? Are you crazy! I'm, fucking mute! _

_You're also fucking drunk. _

_Shut up! _

_You can be on Broadway _

_No! _

_You're special! _

_No I'm not. I'm worthless. _

_You're not. _

_I'm ugly. _

_You are not! _

_Without my voice I am nothing!  
_

_I love you! _

She slaps him.

* * *

It's been a year, a whole year since the accident. And she spends the anniversary making love to Sam. She can't hear him, she can't hear him gasp out her name, or moan or sigh or grunt or even breathe, but she can see, she can feel, and it's nothing like she's ever experienced. She never wants to let go of the moment, not even when her hair is damp and her body is covered with sweat.

And Sam's mouth is moving over and over again and she knows he's singing I love you. I... love... you... She doesn't want to learn sign language. She can't say it too him. And so she grabs her clothes and puts them on as fast as she can. She runs out the door and can't look back. She's too afraid to admit she loves him.

* * *

She spends her first anniversary making out with Finn Hudson. His lips are pressed against hers, and it's like she's dreaming. It's like the feeling of singing, a feeling she thought was gone and gone for good. She wants to yell, and scream, but mostly she wants to kiss him, to feel him, to taste his lips and mouth and self.

She stops when his lips reach her neck, and she freezes. She wants it to continue, but she can't. She's scared, she doesn't want this to blow up in her face, she can't have it. She can't take it. She pushes him off and runs out the door. She cannot do it. She's scared to lose him all over again.

* * *

She finds her in the usual bench, pad ready.

_Why are you here? _

_Sam killed my family, I'm trying to escape . _

_Hardy har har. _

_I had sex with him. _

_Why the hell are you here then! _

_I'm afraid. I'm deaf Rachel! How the hell is this going to work!? He deserves someone who can here him say I love you who can listen to him who can love him the way he deserves to be loved! _

_You don't think I feel that way about Finn! I'm fucking mute! I was suicidal with an alcohol addiction and a hatred of my one true love! I was a cutter! I am all but perfect now! I am so afraid that he will lose so much out of life if we make this jump together. _

_You're fine now! You don't think Finn understands you had problems! So did he! He wasn't Mister Perfect all these years! _

_Neither is Sam! He loves you Quinn! He's ready for the hardships that are in store for you! He wants to fight them! Together! With you! _

_Finn is in love with you! You love him! As far as I see, there's no problem! _

_There isn't! _

_And there isn't for me and Sam! _

__The both looked up, and exchanged looks very briefly.

_There isn't huh? _

_I guess we weren't as lost as we thought we were._


End file.
